Saturday, October 04, 2003

Awake

I’ve cleansed my life of all unnecessary human interaction. Suddenly I find myself needing to eat less, needing to sleep less. The more time I've spent awake the closer I've come to hyper-awareness... remembering the recent past as I anticipate the future. A peripheral view. The few times I’ve dreamed, I’ve seen my father’s face. Not as it was when we had our last awful conversation but after.

The only way to cope is to exist in the moment. To have a clear objective, to be moving, to be travelling. Some days I feel as though I’m clinging to a dying religion, speaking in a dead language, yet I see evidence of our struggle everywhere. This is who I am. So be it. At this moment, I care little for the fate of humanity, of duty or final wishes. My motives are personal. The mission is to have a mission. And then I will disappear.

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