Saturday, October 04, 2003

Highway thoughts

I am grateful for the companionship of H., his easy going manner. I cannot think why anyone would be so loyal, but I cannot voice my thanks. The money is a helpful way to avoid this acknowledgement. As long as I pay him I owe him nothing, yes? I am grateful for the music he plays at full blast that adds the unreal air of a vacation to our journey. I am glad for the beautiful landscape rolling past, for speed and open highway and cool wind pouring in through the windows. Boredom is not possible, even when the landscape is flat and unchanging—all is beautiful. Ignore all the ugly signs, the bulky freight trucks carrying chopped-down trees, petrol, animals for slaughter. Forget who I am and the decisions that must be made. Once I wanted freedom. I think that’s what I wanted. But the most joyous moments come when I am pulled along by the current. I have been puzzling about this since the sun went down, and there is nothing to see but a spot of road illuminated by headlights. I must sleep soon, but tomorrow I will come back to this.

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