Saturday, October 04, 2003

Playing Tourist

I’ve always loved disguises. I can separate completely from what I aim to accomplish and stay in the pleasurable moment of transition. The increased confidence in my voice and manner stems directly from this moment when I realize my appearance has been obliterated. I am hidden in plain daylight from the Vast Machine and from the attentions of men who call me beautiful. It would really be much better, in my position, to be plain. This time I shall be an aging alcoholic mother, a strayed wife out on the town.

My thoughts return to those commune children, and why exactly I was welcomed with such malice. How vulnerable it makes you, to be a parent. I wonder if it changed my father at all. Maybe all that training for my own good was just a way for him to avoid that pain.

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