Tuesday, May 31, 2005


What can be done to help me? I don't know how to answer but I am grateful for the question. I like to lie here and think that something can be done, I just don't want to do anything. There's been no word from my "friends" for quite a while. Presumably there are good reasons, but it leads me to think how quickly one is discarded, etc. The truth is I don't want to be rescued. If I don't heal completely I don't want to keep going, and let G. think I abandoned him. I won't be trapped inside a useless body in this damned house. The house, if you're interested, is a one-room shack with a pitched roof and exposed beams strung with spiderwebs, and narrow windows with bumpy glass looking out on the ocean. My narrow, musty smelling bed is sectioned off by a sheet. V. is here, chopping something up for lunch. There is a small town not too nearby, and she has arranged with a friend of L. the delivery of necessities. I don't worry about these things anymore. I don't care. I feel sorry for V., shamed by all she must do for me, and yet I'm growing sick of her kindly patience, which fairly reeks of her religious fervor. She must see that I don't deserve it, or maybe she thinks all her sacrifices will lead to some great reward.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Perhaps you need to take a trip. California or Arizone might be nice.

12:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It`s strange but you have to change place or something.You need to get out from here.

1:16 PM  

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